Depression

Continued from February 7th, 2013.............

      

   Weeks before I told my husband I wanted a divorce I had started going to therapy. Now I know some people think therapy is a bit much, or that it's too touchy feely, but I was desperate. I have suffered with anxiety and depression ever since I hit puberty as a teenager. It is hard to admit this in such a public forum but I am at a point in my life that I am ready to share the real me, and part of that real me is anxious and depressed sometimes. At the time of my divorce I was so full of anxiety and depression that I was having a hard time even getting out of bed. That is what I mean when I say I was desperate. I had to find out why I was in such a deep, dark hole before I couldn't get out of it. 

     When I first started therapy I didn't know why I was depressed. Sometimes there isn't a reason for it. Sometimes it is that the chemicals in your brain are not firing the happy chemicals so anxiety and depression can take over your thoughts and feelings. Or sometimes you are in such deep denial of what is happening in your life that eventually your mind and body have to take over in order for you to be desperate enough to make a change before you no longer can make a change. I have been on the abyss quite a few times in my life. With depression so bad that you think the only way out is to leave this world. I am not proud of these thoughts. They scare the crap out of me. But that is what my brain says when I am depressed. You want out of your misery and the misery you think you are causing the people you love. Depression lies to you and makes up the most negative thoughts you could think about your life and the people in it. It is cunning and a thief of joy. 

    To Be Continued...........