Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Enjoying a New Life Path

Where have I been, you say?
Well, I have had a little personal drama going on. In fact, it is almost the same drama as on Jon and Kate Plus Eight.......minus 6 for me. I am actually getting reaquainted with the show. I find it facinating to be able to watch another couple manuever through divorce. I suppose it is due to my situation, but I really don't believe we have ever "seen" divorce portrayed on reality TV yet. All the multitude of couples that have divorced during or after their reality show decide not to show the fallout. I hope that we will be able to watch how Jon and Kate make the changes necessary for their family. I believe that it would be a wonderful education for the more than 50% of couples that end up divorced or individuals that may be thinking of divorce to see what another couple goes through. And how the children fare.

For me, divorce has been difficult and wonderful. I am the one that asked for it. Granted it has been looming for more than 9 years of the 10 year marriage. I can truthfully tell you I am happier than I have been in a very long time. I feel that I have found myself again. That for 9 years it was necessary to hide and protect the real me so that I wouldn't get hurt to my core. I felt smothered and depressed in my marriage. It took me so many years to make the decision because I could not decide what would be best for my little ones. I finally got so depressed in my denial (the depressed where you can't get out of bed depressed) that I woke up one morning after 3 months, and knew it was due to my marriage and that I had to get out so my girls could have a mom that was available to play, help, teach, and show them what happiness is.
It truly was the hardest and best decision I have ever made. I have not one regret. My little family of 3 girls, a dog, and a cat is now happy and functional. I am alive, awake and available for my children. The girls have noticed that I am a better mom now. They comment on how happy I am. I have lost 20 pounds since I didnt need to comfort eat anymore. I am taking ballet, gardeing, making art and enjoying every second of my life.

For a long time I thought that my marriage was my cross to bear and then I realized that Jesus already bore the cross so I didn't have to.